


My Best Friend, Sasuke

by BadBoiReeRee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bad Decisions, Crack, Harm to Animals, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26439748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadBoiReeRee/pseuds/BadBoiReeRee
Summary: Minato and Kushina introduce Naruto to a new friend.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	My Best Friend, Sasuke

The Uzumakis were sitting at the dining table eating breakfast. Naruto was gorging himself with ramen, while his mother Kushina read the _Leaf Village Daily_. Minato donned an apron while cooking eggs.

Minato turned to see his son voraciously slurping his third bowl of ramen.

“Naruto, a diet consisting of only ramen cannot satiate the body nor provide it with all of its essential nutrients,” said Naruto’s father as he placed a dish of freshly scrambled eggs on the table.

He looked expectantly at Naruto, his eyes urging him to taste his cooking. Naruto put his chopsticks in his bowl and gave his father a sour (and very bloated) frown.

“You always disapprove of me, daddy. You can’t tell me what to do!” yelled Naruto in defiance. An anime sweat mark dripped down Minato’s face and he sighed. Kushina stood up, walked over to her son, and stabbed him in the heart with her newspaper.

Naruto yelped in pain, blood spewing from his severed arteries.

“You stupid boy! Taste your father’s cooking!”

Kushina left her paper in Naruto’s chest as Minato rushed to heal his son with medical jutsu.

Naruto was dying.

“Anyway, I’ve got to go to work. Minato, honey, I already prepared Naruto’s lunch in the fridge. Can you take him to the bus stop for school? Thank you!” shouted Kushina as she rushed out the front door.

Minato dragged his son’s body down the street to the bus stop and left him there. Naruto laid on the sidewalk, looking up into the heavens. The sky, once a beautiful cerulean blue, was now a charcoal grey, fading forever into Obito black…

_Is this where I die?_

\--

Naruto opened his eyes and found himself in a shinobi hospital bed, a pot of flowers on his bedside table. Light shone through the east facing window, engulfing his body in an orange glow and penetrating his skin with warmth. He looked down and saw the newspaper still sticking out of his hospital robe.

Suddenly the door burst open and Kushina and Minato ran in. Kushina hugged Naruto tightly, causing the newspaper (that the doctors failed to remove) to further pierce Naruto’s heart.

“ _Oooohhh,_ my baby. I’m **SO so sorry** that I was so rough with you! I didn’t expect you to be so fragile," moaned Kushina as she cradled Naruto’s head in her arms.

“Haha, yeah, you must take after your old man! With you know, being fragile and all!” laughed Minato, expecting Kushina and Naruto to giggle at his self-deprecating humor.

They ignored him.

“So, Naruto,” said Kushina as she dropped his head on his pillow.

“Yes mom?” said Naruto hesitantly, watching his mother’s figure loom taller and taller, her blood-red hair whipping his face.

“I thought that you might like this…. it’s… it’s a little gift to show you how very sorry I am. Minato can you bring it over?”

“ **Ta-da**!” exclaimed Minato, revealing a golden metal contraption. Inside was a little blue bird with a fan shaped crest on its breast. It chirped indifferently when it saw Naruto’s expression.

 **TWEET TWEET** it chirped in a gruff man bird voice.

“Say hello to your little friend!” exclaimed Kushina triumphantly.

“Wha- what is it?” asked Naruto in fear, shrinking into his bedsheets.

“What do you mean ‘What is it?’ _It’s a present for you!_ **It’s a bird!** ” beamed Kushina, looking at her son’s pale face.

“What is its name?” asked Naruto, who was now holding the cage after Minato handed it to him. The bird moved its head towards his fingers and nibbled on his nails.

“Doesn’t have one yet, you name it,” said Kushina warmly. “Just don’t name it anything stupid, like Narut- I mean, NARWHAL.”

Naruto closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

“hmhmm, thinking is hard!” wept the resurrected victim.

“How about Kurama?” proposed Minato, gently lifting Naruto’s hand from his head. “You know, like the caged beast inside of y-“

“ **Wait, I GOT IT**! I’ll call you, **Sasuke** , “smiled Naruto as he hugged the cage. The bird tweeted happily and embraced Naruto the way only a bird can embrace its owner. Not at all.

“HAHAHAA You’re joking right? That's the stupidest name I’ve ever heard! And IT SOUNDS just like your crush’s name Sakura! That’s kinda weird baby,” laughed Kushina.

“Now, now Kushina, when I was his age, I didn’t even know how to talk,” smiled Minato, placing a hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Yes, sir, I still had one hand in the mud and one hand in my mouth! This boy’s a genius - he’s leagues above me!”

Kushina stared off into the distance in silence...

_How did I end up here? With this idiot?_

_Where did I go wrong?_

\---

Naruto placed Sasuke on the dining table and gently massaged his pin feathers.

“We are going to be best friends, you better ** _believe it_** ,” smiled Naruto. Suddenly he noticed Sasuke shaking and panting.

“Oh, and you must be hungry! Here, have some of this.” Naruto poured some of boiling ramen in his hands and cupped them in front of Sasuke. The bird slowly approached his hands and then watched in fascination as the boy’s flesh cooked and melted on the table. It then slowly began to drink the bloody soup.

Warmth enveloped Naruto’s impaled heart and pain engulfed his empty mind.

“I love you Sasuke,” whispered Naruto to the feeding bird.

 **TWEET TWEET** it reciprocated gruffly.

 _This is what happiness must feel like_ , thought Naruto as the scalding water and heat caused him to hallucinate.

_This is LOVE._

\--

Two weeks had passed since Sasuke had joined the Uzumakis, and Naruto managed to brag about him to all of the kids in school. Shikamaru was so sick of hearing about it that he consciously avoided Naruto and Ino more often than not called in sick. **Choji took his own life**.

While on the playground, Naruto saw a group of children playing tag. “Oh, that looks like fun!” Naruto yelled at the other young ninjas.

“w-we’re a closed group. Sorry Naruto,” said one of them cautiously.

Undeterred, Naruto ran at them.

**“OKAY! I’ll be IT!”**

Kurama’s chakra enshrouded Naruto as he ran, enveloping him in a reddish, impenetrable, and volatile aura. The children tried to get away, but Naruto was too fast, and each one dissolved into a pool of bile when touched.

“Aw, you guys are no fun.”

Everyone went home early that day.

\---

“Mom, Dad, I’m home!!!!” cheered Naruto as he burst through the front door.

It appeared that no one was there, so Naruto eagerly went to check on Sasuke. When he entered the kitchen and opened the golden cage, he saw Sasuke lying on the ground, convulsing on his newspapers. The bird’s tongue was sticking out of his mouth, his feet clawing at the air.

 **“OH MY GOD, SASUKE!!!!!!”** Naruto cried. Shocked and confused, and unsure of how to help the only friend he ever had, Naruto grabbed Sasuke and ran him under the faucet. Submerged in water, Sasuke stopped moving. Naruto pulled Sasuke out of the sink and dried him with his T-shirt.

“Sasuke…. Sasuke?” Naruto whimpered, looking at his unmoving friend. He placed Sasuke on the dining room table, waiting for a response.

Sasuke didn’t move.

Tears welled up in Naruto’s eyes as he began to worry. His only friend was ignoring him and he didn’t know why. Was he angry?

At that moment, Minato entered the front door.

**“HEEELLLLLLOOOO!!! My lovely family!!! ANYONE HOME!??!”**

Minato strolled into the kitchen carrying a bag of groceries. He noticed Naruto sitting at the table.

“Naruto! How was your day son?” said Minato, giving his son a big hug.

“I don’t know” Naruto whimpered. Minato looked at Sasuke’s corpse and then back at his son.

“Oh“

“He isn’t moving, is he sleeping?” Naruto asked, worry furrowing itself in his baby brows.

Minato wasn’t sure if Naruto was ready to learn about death. And so he did what any responsible parent would do: shroud the truth in a lie.

“Naruto, I think that Sasuke just needs a _looooonnnnng_ nap. See he’s just tired” smiled Minato as he held up Sasuke by the wing. Sasuke’s eyes rolled towards the back of its head, his tongue lolling out the side of his open beak.

“Why don’t you help unpack and I’ll bring Sasuke to the bathroom to uh… wash up a bit!”

“Okay” sniffed Naruto, as he attempted reconcile his hurt feelings for his flippant bird.

Minato ran with Sasuke to the bathroom and threw him in the toilet.

“This is how people dispose of pets, right?” thought Minato out loud. “Well, goodbye Sasuke,” and Minato pressed down on the toilet handle. The toilet bowl overflowed as Sasuke’s body plugged up the toilet.

“Goddamn it,” grunted Minato. He grabbed a toilet plunger and then channeled all of his Hokage chakra into ever thrust of the toilet. “FLUSH! FLUSH! FLUSH GODDAMN YOU!!!!” cried Minato. The pipes burst and water inundated the bathroom floor. Parts of Sasuke drifted on the tiles. “SHIT!!!! OH FUCK MAN!!! MY ONLY SON’S FRIEND! **AND I FUCKING DISMEMBERED HIM!!!!** ” yelled Minato in agony.

**MINATO!!!**

Minato looked out the door frame and saw Kushina and Naruto standing there. Kushina was covering Naruto’s ears, shocked and outraged by her husband’s stupidity and language. Naruto looked as if his only friend had just been forcibly shoved down a toilet.

“Oh” said Minato hoarsely.

\---

It was an early Monday morning, and the Uzumaki’s were again breakfasting as one family. Kushina again read the morning paper while Minato was preparing bacon for the family. Naruto looked at his bowl of ramen and then at the stand where Sasuke’s cage used to be. He had no appetite, the noodles now with his only friend’s life and traumatic passing. A gaping void had filled his heart, which somehow, had healed around the newspaper that was now getting a little wrinkly on the outside. Kushina noticed her son’s lethargy.

“Naruto, hon, can I get you something to eat?”

Naruto looked at the bacon and then at his concerned mother and smiling father.

“No, I… I’m going for a walk,” said Naruto despondently as he quietly stood up and left the house.

\---

Naruto walked around his neighborhood listlessly. _Is death the end of everything? What is the point of anything if there is no meaning to what we do? Can birds and ninja both go to heaven?_

Naruto pondered until he bumped into another little boy.

“Ouch, watch it,” said the black-haired boy. He wore a blue shirt, with a crest on the back.

“Who are you?” asked Naruto in suspicion.

“What’s it to you?”

“ugh, nevermind, “ said Naruto as he was about to walk away.

“You look stupid,” said the other boy.

“Hey, my dad’s Hokage and he could beat you up!” cried Naruto.

“Yeah, well, my brother assassinated my entire village, he could end all of your lives,” boasted the other boy.

Then they both laughed.

Naruto smiled,

“You like violence, just like me. I’m Naruto,” and Naruto held out a hand.

The boy looked surprised and smiled,

“I’m Sasuke.”

Naruto’s stopped smiling and then opened his mouth in astonishment.

“SASUKE!!!!!!” Kurama's host then jumped on Sasuke, took a rope from his back pocket and began tying him up.

“Wha-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!” cried Sasuke, but his struggle was useless. Naruto was too determined.

\--

“Hon, do you think Naruto is alright?” Asked Kushina, munching on bacon.

“Ah, he’s probably forgotten about it already!” laughed Minato.

**BANG!!**

Naruto stood like a god in the entrance of the house and walked into the kitchen.

“Mom, dad! I found Sasuke! _I brought him home!_ ”

**_END_ **


End file.
